“That’s Simply Red there, an experience rather like waking up dead on your birthday, and then finding out you’re bankrupt.
Anyway, it’s five to one, and time for our “shout-outs”. Pitiful mewlings from the tiresome boneheaded public. A sea of vomit-inducing detritus. Also, isn’t it sunny. Etc.
Paul from Bromley says he’s planning a potato growing later. Burying of a spud starts at three. Bring your own shovel. He also says he’s got some manure to sell. So get some of that.
Alice is acting out key scenes from Fifty Shades with a sock puppet for depressed pensioners in the Mottlesea retirement home at seven. Bring your own whip. Refreshments provided, though she does say at your own risk.
Lastly, here’s a dedication from Penny, to her husband Derek; You destroyed every last ember of faith I ever had in love. Your sickening balls both irritate and nauseate. Your attempts at sex are like a dead moth sliding down a piss soaked wall. Fuck off. Here’s 10cc. Fuck off.”