Peter Jackson’s proper norsed it up again.

Peter Jackson: G’day sports! Come to congratulate me on the brilliant Hobbit films that I done with  my two bare hands?

Accountant: Actually, no. There’s been a……problem.

Peter: Strewth! Alright, spit it out, money boy. My sacks are over-due for a piss draining.

Accountant: The film’s gone a littler over budget.

Peter: You what? How much?

Accountant: Well, interestingly enough, the entire film can be done exactly how it was…er…..will be when it’s released, except….

Peter: Except bloody what you flaming galas?

Accountant: Well, you can have the film precisely the way intended, but there is not enough money to render ANY of the scenes with the dragon Smaug.

Peter: You gotta be fucking joking me.

Accountant: Nope, and conveniently enough, there’s definitely no money left, anywhere, at all. And no hope of getting it.

Peter: FUCK! Get me the fuckin’ props department!

Prop man: Hello, Peter. It is me. The prop man.

Peter: Prop man you cunt! What…what are we gonna do?

Prop: Well, I’e got it sorted out. We just…right….we…

Peter: What? Spit it out yer fuckin’ toilet!

Prop: We’ve still got Benedict Cumberlans. We can stick him in a dragon onesie and give him a loudhailer.

Peter: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! Oh well, maybe people won’t notice with the 3d in it.

Prop: We’ve knocked up a poster for it. Check it out.







About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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