Have you seen that list of British problems? It’s a list of problems that British people like me are supposed to suffer with. I did a list of my own. See how many times you nod your fucking head in empathy!
Very British Problems.
1. You break down in the street for no reason at all.
2. Your other pie is shit and bones.
3. When you see a hat, you just have to shit yourself in a bucket and hurl it into a school party.
4. Lying dead, and face-down in a lake is your favourite sex position!
5. You boiled your parents when they died and tossed the bones into a glass tank.
6. Sex to you is a battle between two very tired, resigned people crawling toward the grave.
7. You ache, but the ache is one of emotional frailty.
8. Your favourite bubble gum is shoe flavoured.
9. A roundabout is something you end up sitting on at 4am in the morning, watching the cars go by through floods of tears.
10. The children are burning pictures of you in front of their class.