Lord of the Rings

Elrond: So, basically, what I’m saying is, that ring is evil.

Gandalf: I told you that. I’ve told him that *Motions to Frodo*, I’ve told all of these pricks that. *Mimes a headbutt in the direction of the counsel.*

Elrond: Alright. What was I …er..

Gandalf: Let me see. Is this your minutes?

Elrond: Yep. Don’t look at th..

Gandalf: This is just a drawing of you with a massive penis. Having seen it, I can say this is largely fiction.

Elrond: No don’t!

Gandalf: RIGHT. Everybody. We can talk about Elrond’s shit penis drawing or we can sort this out. Left to right. GIMLI!

Gimli: Could give it a whack with me hammer.

Gandalf: Right. SO…having already been told the ring is indestructible….you’re going to hammer it yeah?

Gimli: I’ll put me back into it. Maybe it’s like Terminator. They thought you couldn’t kill it, but they did it in a vice. I think I’ve got a vice back at me house.

Gandalf: What the fuck is Terminator?

Elrond: 80s sci-fi. You know Conan?

Gandalf: No.

Elrond: He played the Terminator.

Gandalf: What book was that in then?

Elrond: It wa….er..what?

Gandalf: What BOOK?

Elrond: E.r…….it was….on a film…er..

Gandalf: Alright, what’s that then?

Elrond:……..I don’t know.

Gandalf: DEAR DIARY. RING IS FUCKING DANGEROUS. Can’t be destroyed by many means at all. Got a collection together of people to sort it. MASSIVE BUNCH OF CUNTS. (While saying cunts, Gandalf swings a staff in an arc to point at all the present people.)

Frodo: Bilbo says Terminator 2 is good.

Gandalf: Ah for FUCK SAKE.


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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