Theodens: Aragorn. I’ve spoken to the riders of Rohan. They’re willing to help, obviously, but we’ve got a bit of a problem.
Aragorn: What, you got Grimer’s fist up your arse again, yeah?
Theodeon: No! No. What I mean is, we might be short a few numbers. Turns out a lot of our horses got put in Tesco burgers.
Aragorn: Shit. What have we got then?
(Both look down cliff)
Aragorn: Fourteen horses. A man in a donkey costume. A pantomime donkey. A rocking hor…this is fucking bullshit!
Theodeon: Yeah, well, I said things would be a bit dodgy. Was thinking we can use the donkey to distract the orcs and pile in with the real horses.
Aragorn: You do know how many they’ve got don’t yer?
Thedeon: Trying not to really. I thought I’d sort of forget about that until it was too late.
Aragorn: Well what else can we do?
Theoden: As luck would have it, check that scary crack out.
Aragorn: Didn’t know Sarah Palin was in town.
Theodon: No. That.
(Aragorn looks down a crack in the mountain. Some scary shit wind comes out of it.)
Theoden: You alright with that? I’ll see you when you’re done yeah?
Aragorn: You want me to go down that? Is it on Google Maps?
Theoden: Of course it fucking isn’t.