Annoying my non-existent girlfriend. The Jumper.

“Neil?”

“Yes, apple of my very eyeball.”

“You know I asked you to buy a present for my nephew? My sister’s son? Like a cute jumper or something?”

“Yeah, got one done online…fucking cheap and all. Got a bear on it.”

“As I suggested, yep. Thing is…I asked you, if you remember, to get one with a cute bear on it. You know, like a teddy, a cute bear.”

“I did get a cute bear put on it.”

“No you didn’t. You totally didn’t. If by cute, you mean absolutely terrifying.”

“Dunno what you mean. Real bears are cu..”

“NOT FUCKING THIS ONE NEIL!”

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“What’s wrong with it?”

“WHA…WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT? LOOK AT IT!”

“I think it’s cute.”

“It isn’t cute at all! It’s roaring in aggression! And you’ve fucking written “GO FUCK YOURSELF” in it. Why did you do that?”

“Thought the kid would find that funny.”

“BEING TOLD TO GO FUCK HIMSELF? YOU are a prick, Neil. My sister’s pissed off..her son’s crying and won’t go to school. He says the bear will get him.”

“Yeah, shouldn’t have put that threat on the back of it.”

“Well, you tosser, your paws aren’t coming near me tonight. Fuck off.”

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About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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