Peter Jackson’s LOTR disasters.

We all remember the big fucking debacle in 2001. Lord of the Rings, we were told, would be a massive epic, comprising three brilliant chapters with the best cast! Elijah Wood, Ian Mckellan, Christopher Lee, all the best actors and actresses (And Cate Blanchett)

When the premier happened, the ruinous reality happened. The assembled viewers arrived not to see this incredible fantasy epic, but a poorly shot, badly cast ton of shod. At the last minute the entire cast had been completely changed, to the sort of cast one would deem totally inappropriate.

Here’s Peter Jackson: 

“G’day cobbers I am Peter Jackson from New Australians. Back in 2001, I proper ballsed up Lord of the rings. After thinking long and hard, I had a complete mental breakdown and replaced the entire cast, two weeks before the release of the film. In fourteen days, I re-shot the whole bloody thing with Will Self in the title role, and David Starkey as Aragorn. No bloody idea why, just thought it would be great back then. I gave the hobbits the heave-ho, replaced ’em with three fucking cats. As for Cate Blanchett, I tossed her out of it and got in another cat.



The day of the premier, Jesus Christ. All those excited faces, hoping to see my huge epic, turning from expectation to a gradual dead…had he…had Peter really…done this? Ruined LOTR? Turns out they were right. It was terrible. Howls of derision, seats torn up, I took a right beating. Just because I dumped several years of work and re-shot the thing in Milton Keynes with a bunch of fucking tossers. Film made forty eight pence. A little lower than the 200 million budget.

Kept Liv Tyler in though. Just because I wanted to see her getting off with fucking Starkey.”

Peter Jackson then went on to make King Kong with a dog in the title role.



About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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