A few days ago, I made a few laws that I thought would be so brilliant that old David Cameras would have introduced ’em already. Clearly, he wasn’t one of the enlightened, because there’s still no wank donation clinics taking up the charge.

I will soldier on regardless, with new additions to these laws.

1. All sperm donations must now be done in front of an audience. They can be public, and there’s no restrictions. Anyone can come and watch a man wank into a cup for money. One way mirror, so he doesn’t know you’re there. Japanese tourists will get their cameras out for this bit of holiday fun.

2. The wanking booth plays the sound of mewling cats, starting with one, ending with a chaotic choir of maudlin howling. A bit like when two cats are about to fight.

3. The sperm is collected in a tiny thimble attached to a dart board three thousand feet away. The donating man has to wank at this, blindfolded, and turning on a revolving floor.


Yes. YES. I think we’re done. The future of your spunk is assured, gentlemen.


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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