It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I’m bitter and old, so I don’t feel love or empathy. I’d rather smash a heart up outside restaurants full of happy couples screaming “IT’LL NEVER LAST! DEATH WILL TAKE YOU ALL!”
Here are my tips though for anyone being shackled together on this day.
1. Don’t use headlocks.
2. Socks are not ample contraception.
3. The actual heart of a cow, pig, or lamb is not a romantic present.
Good. Go and fuck each other, see if I care, loved up shod.