Annoying my non-existent girlfriend.

“Neil? What are you doing, darling?”

“I’m wrapping this balloon for the cat.”


“Cats like balloons.”

“….fine. Er..I’m going to have a cup of tea…want o..”



“It’s over there. You know right, how you said you always wanted Golden Girls on DVD?”

“Love that show…yeah..yeah. Wait….you got me that?”

“…might have.”

“Oh you lovely man! *Kiss*. I’m well watching this…*Opens present* wait….er…oh..”

“What? Season one! Always start with the best!”

“Neil what the FUCK is this?”




“It’s season one of the Golden Girls…erm..”

“No it fucking isn’t. All you’ve done is done another terrible mock up and slid it into a dvd EMPTY DVD CASE!”

“Thought you’d be pleased with i…”

“Look at it! How the hell did you think I’d be fooled! How long did this take you to make?”

“I got it from HMV…”


“About twenty minutes.”

“TWENTY MINUTES. Look at the STATE OF IT. I’m going to bed. Take this piece of shit, and ram it in your bollocks, you cunt.”


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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