Monthly Archives: November 2012

Titanic

Here’s my new Christmas Play. It’s a Titanic re-write. TITANIC. Brock Lovett: I am Brock. Or Hudson from ALIENS. You might also remember me in Twister, a shit film about wind being fast. Fat bloke with beard: Brock, we are … Continue reading

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Annoying the girlfriend I don’t have.

“Hello Neil. How was your day?” “Brilliant. I did a wanker sign at a cat and bought myself some amazing temporary tattoos. This one’s of David Starkey.” “Fascinating.¬†Well, I’m going to have a cup of tea.” “Oi, got you a … Continue reading

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Underwhelming sex line.

Here is a terrible sex phone line. “I am wearing a vest, and some cheap boxers. I am sitting in my bed, watching a video of a comedian telling unfunny jokes. I am flaccid. I am thinking of you consuming … Continue reading

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