Peter Kay.

Peter Kay has a long memory. He remembers things that happened before you were born, even if you’re older than him, or God. Peter Kay remembers the Big Bang.

“Big Bang, eh? Who remembers t’Big Bang! I do, way back, biggest noise in t’universe it was, bigger noise than t’fookin’ fireworks night.”

Here’s my list of Peter Kay’s Quotes, with my own personal comments.

“You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks? I swear now, you never get used to that.”

Actually, Peter, I’ve found that if you dip the biscuit briefly and deftly, this merely softens the biscuit, rather than compromising its integrity, therefore making it easier to eat. It’s all about finding the level.

I did not laugh at the quote. But, I rarely laugh at anything, so there is hope for the next one.

” My mum was a ventriloquist and she was always throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.”

Perhaps it was, Peter.

I did not laugh. I merely wept. Such a sad life, whatever the situation.

“Old women with mobile phones look wrong.”

No, they don’t. They look like old women with mobile phones.

I did not laugh.

” Sex is like a game of bridge. If you don’t get a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

I’ve never played the game, so he could be right. I’m assuming Bridge involves cumshots at some point.

I did not laugh.

I am still not laughing. I am just depressed. Thanks Peter. Do you remember despair? Staring into your own mind looking for an answer? And simply seeing a void of tears? Do you remember, Peter? DO YOU FUCKING REMEMBER?


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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