Monthly Archives: September 2012

Only Fools and Horses.

INT: Flat. Del: Rodney! Rodney you dipstick! Come ‘ere! Rodney: What is it now, Del? Failed to sell fifty buckets of dog’s heads, eh? Trying to flog burned plastic dolls? We’re skint, Del. Skint. Del: Not any more, son! Read … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Cooking with Zoomeister.

Today we’re making burgers. Burgers have been around since before food, but are a food themselves. I know, it’s odd. Here’s how to make a beef burger. You’ll need a kitchen. I use one like this. It’s a kitchen with … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Cooking with Phyllis.

Just made a soup, here’s what my cookery show about it would be like. “If a man shits in the forest, does he make a soup? No. Because he’s in a forest having a shit. Welcome. I’m Phyllis. And this … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

FRIENDS.

FRIENDS: INT: Central Perk Joey: HEY! Everyone else: Hey Joey. Joey: I’m depressed. Did I tell you about that? Chandler: Only about twenty FRICKING TIMES. Joey: Yeah, well, the doc told me I should cheer myself up by doing things … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dog House.

INT: Man’s house. Man: Oi. Dog. Come here. Dog: Arf…woof! Man: How original. As you know, I’ve been working my balls off for a year to keep us living and you in Pedigree Chum. Which by the way isn’t fucking … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Men Behaving Badly.

INT: Gary’s house. Gary: Tony. It is you. Tony: Alright mate? Fancy a can of beer andĀ talk about girls then? Birds, I should say. Gary: No. Tony: Oh. What, then? Gary: Tony. I am evicting you. You have now lived … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Film 07

Some film ideas I came up with in the year of theĀ  haddock, 2007,   So, what are the Christmas films guaranteed to get the family laughing into their fucking stockings, eh? Woods you believe it Litte Timmy’s parents buy … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment