Drunken Grandad.

INT: Grandad’s house.

Dad: So, Jimmy. Looking forward to seeing your grandfather?

Jimmy: Yes, dad. I hope he is better.

Dad: Doctors say that he’s clean now, son. Two years without a drop.

Mum: Amazing to think he’s changed so much. You’d hardly recognise him.

Dad: Yeah, I think everything’s going to be fine.

Jimmy: Yeah! Grandad is great!

Grandad opens the door. His silver hair is neatly combed and his eyes glimmer with lively sobriety. He welcomes them in.

Grandad: Hello! Lovely to see you. Jimmy! My grandson.

Jimmy: Hello grandad. You look great!

Grandad: Thanks, grandad is all better. Do you all want a nice cup of tea? I have some orange juice for Jimmy.

Dad: Sounds good dad, place looks brilliant. You’ve taken good care of it.

Grandad: Yep. Keeping active, doing all kinds of stuff about the house. Let me just go to the kitchen and get the tea.

Grandad disappears from the room.

Dad: Brilliant. He’s really done well. Hasn’t he, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Yes dad.

Suddenly, a smashing sound is heard, and the sound of screaming. Grandad enters the room, swigging from a bottle, eyes red raw, hair caked and matted against a shimmering, sweating head. He is partially retching.

Grandad: FUCK! fuckinellldooyoocuntsget in…HIC…help her fuckin…fuc…self to my fucinstuff wontyer..

Dad: Dad! What happened to you? You were only in there two minutes!

Grandad: Been FUCKING WELL HAVING SOME GOOD TIMES inni EH? Fore I have to look at your stupid faces…what’s that thing?

Jimmy: I’m your grandson Grandad.

Grandad: SMALL face on that cunt, like yours but smaller. *Points at Jimmy* Getcher small face sorted out, ‘therwise you’re never going to grow up, small face.

Jimmy: I’m a kid, Grandad.


Dad: It’s your daughter in law. My wife.

Grandad: BIT OF FUCKING ALRIIGHT. SHIT THIS TWO CUNTS OFF SWEETHEA…..HIC..ART…I’ll show you some old dog’s fuckin’ tricks..

Mum: Sob.



About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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