Flirting tips.

Men. Woo that girl with some of my brilliant flirtatious sentences. Just look what it’s done for me. (It’s done nothing for me).

1. Wouldn’t mind burning your carrier bags.
2. Wouldn’t mind coming round and putting a tiny beard on your cat.
3. Wouldn’t mind drawing a terrible picture of you and eating it on a train.
4. Wouldn’t mind fighting a gang of international terrorists entirely in your uterus.
5. Wouldn’t mind running away from you like you’re a factory that’s about to explode.
6. Wouldn’t mind ringing your doorbell and running away, only to trip over on a bin and shatter my jawbone.
7. Wouldn’t mind overcooking a chicken and then tossing it into your garden.
8. Wouldn’t mind wearing a hockey mask and hiding in your toilet crying.
9. Wouldnt mind pretending to be dead at your house party.
10. Wouldn’t mind replacing your face in all pictures with pictures of Paul Ross.


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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