INT: Cabin.

Rose: Jack. I want you to draw me, like one of your French girls.

Jack: Ok.

Rose: Wearing this (Holds up Heart of the Ocean.)

Jack: Yeah. Cheers.

Rose: Wearing only this.

(Rose gets it all off. Jack nervously ushers her to lie down. He starts fucking painting. That music plays. Rose teases him. He replies with his own rejoinders. It’s very romantic.)

Jack: Alright, finished.

Rose: Let’s have a look then.

Jack: Check it out.



Rose: Jesus.

Jack: Whatddaya think?

Rose: This…this…

Jack: Heh…yeah…

Rose: This is fucking rubbish.

Jack: Ye….what?

Rose: It looks like a child’s fucking drawing. It’s appalling. You haven’t put in any effort AT ALL. Look at my tits. Is that my face? Because it looks like a shoddy circle with two fucking dots in it.

Jack: Erm…

Rose: And fucking hell! Is that a penis? My God, have you drawn a penis on me? Are you some sort of cunt, Jack?

Jack: That’s not a penis. It’s just pubic hair.

Rose: Are you sure? Because it looks like something’s poking out. Jesus Jack, if you’re going to draw a penis on me at least make it fucking bigger than that!

Jack: It’s not a pen…

Rose: And who is Kate Winslet?

Jack: I don’t know.

Rose: What about all those other drawings?

Jack: I stole them off a tramp.

Rose: So, you’re shit at drawing then?

Jack: ……………………………yes.

Rose: Cheers for that.


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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