Monthly Archives: June 2012

“Naughty wench…

“Naughty wench, wring out my spunk sponge and take the plunge. Harvest me as you would a gigantic field of shags. A boundless ocean of chuckling boning, a void of fuckery. Christ, the sight of your shitting tits makes me … Continue reading

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Dogs on Hell.

About six years ago my sister purchased a dvd on Amazon. It was “When the Wind Blows”, the old Raymond Briggs animation. I shouldn’t have done this, but I opened it when it arrived. I know, I know. I wouldn’t … Continue reading

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Only Fools and Horses.

Del surveyed the flat. Now strewn with broken, shattered dreams. The skeleton of Uncle Albert lay in pieces, scattered about like an unwanted child’s plaything. The ribcage being used to prop up a table. The skull, painted with lipstick, sat … Continue reading

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Annoying my non existent girlfriend.

“Neil?” “Yes, my Aphrodite.” “Huh. Er….you know I love you. And I do appreciate your fine, beautiful prose.” “Yeah.” “Well…I….what are you doing?” “I’m pushing a rat skull into this Kinder Egg. Gonna shit ’em down the fucking newsagent.” “…………fine. … Continue reading

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Only Fools and Horses.

Del walks into a diseased, untidy, dessicated flat. Rodney is sitting on the floor gnawing a rat bone, and blinking in the pale light, his hollow, sunken eyes staring through Del, not at him. He’s barely able to talk, speaking … Continue reading

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Fresh Prince.

Uncle Phil watches Independence Day on the television and simultaneously vomits, pisses and shits himself, violently shaking and quivering like a sack of ill potatoes.His wife rushes in to help him, but sees the film and starts to vomit, herself, … Continue reading

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Fresh Prince.

Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Uncle Phil goes insane, after seeing Will on television in a film. He smashes up the house, and doctors rush in to sedate him, holding him down while he thrashes about like a beached whale. … Continue reading

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