I write a series on Twitter called Nigel’s Bad Dates. They are a series of events involving a man doing demented things to ruin a date completely. They are some of my most popular tweets.
I did something similar in real life, on Friday night. It wasn’t a date, it was a drinking night out with some friends. One of my friends is called Emma. I like Emma. She is adorable, has bright amethyst eyes and an endearing nature. I have a soft spot for Emma.
At a point of the night when I was more than a little hammered, something happened I don’t know anything about, I cannot remember. Richi told me the next day what happened.
“Well, I didn’t want to tell you, Phyllis, but at one point we were talking about milk. Emma was talking about how milk is natural, or something, and then we started talking about shit. She told us how Tom shits all the time. And I said to her, “You watch Tom shit?”
“Right….I can see where this is going.”
“Yeah, and then you said to Emma “I’d watch you have a shit anytime”.
That happened. I told a girl I would watch her have a shit. I don’t remember a thing. Life does mirror art, ladies and gentlemen.