Monthly Archives: May 2012

Santa reads the letters.

Santa slit open the letter and sat back in his chair, tugging at his beard. It read: “dear santas! my name is alice i am 5. i have been gd pls cn i have a pony and also a pink … Continue reading

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Santa reads the letters.

Santa slit open the letter and sat back in his chair, tugging at his beard. It read: “dear santas! my name is alice i am 5. i have been gd pls cn i have a pony and also a pink … Continue reading

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Kidnapping a bear.

Sing this to the tune of “Living on a prayer”, that song that cunts sing in shit pubs on a Saturday night. Went to the zoo today. saw a fucking bear, it was an incredible bear to see. To see…. … Continue reading

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I write a serie…

I write a series on Twitter called Nigel’s Bad Dates. They are a series of events involving a man doing demented things to ruin a date completely. They are some of my most popular tweets. I did something similar in … Continue reading

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Non Existent Girlfriend.

“Neil. Can I have a word?” “Of course, treacle.” “What are you up to?” “Erm. I’m putting shoes on my hands to pretend I have four feet.” “………..fine. Neil, you know I love you? And your effortless penchant for romantic … Continue reading

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Annoying my non existent girlfriend.

“Neil?” “Yes, my effervescent moonbeam?” “What are you doing?” “I’m making a necklace out of Refreshers. Some of them are disintegrating. I think I need some sort of small drill. Or perhaps a pin. Do you have a pin?” “You’re … Continue reading

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FRASIER

FRASIER: Frasier: That is why, Sandra, that your marriage is doomed. Sandra (On phone) “But i’m not marri.. Frasier: Oh, go and be sick on a wig. I’m getting outta here. Got me a packet of crisps and a dog … Continue reading

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