Annoying my non-existent girlfriend.

“Neil? What are you up to?”

“Evening honey. I am eating Super Noodles from a measuring jug and watching Hey Arnold.”

“You’re a thirty five year old man.”


“Sigh. Look, Neil, do you remember what I said about sending my parents your “eccentric” cards?”

“Yes, you said brilliant idea. Keep sending ’em.”

“No, Neil. I did not. And you sent them anyway. My mother is not too pleased with the birthday card you sent her.”

“Really? I thought it was good natured and silly.”



“Yeah, brilliant eh? Bet she laughed.”

“No. No she didn’t. She was crying, Neil. What exactly are you implying? That she fucked Fred FUCKING DINENAGE?”


“What is it you’re saying then?”

“I don’t know. Just thought it would be a chuckle. Do you want some Super Noodles?”

“No I fucking don’t. And your’re coming nowhere near me tonight. Fuck off Neil.”


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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