Pissing off my non-existent girlfriend.

“Hello Neil. What are you doing”

“I am drawing a space suit on this picture of a pigeon.”

“WHY?”

“I don’t know. You alright?”

“Yeah…yeah. No. Thing is, Neil. While I admire your ability to touch through words and pour out your emotions in prose…I can’t help thinking that some of your cards are a bit demented. And mildly offensive.”

“Oops.”

“Yeah. My father called this morning. He’s not happy about the card you sent him for Easter.”

“What, that? I wanted to draw a picture of him to bolster his confidence. Bring out his masculine qualities.”

“SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?”

Image

“It’s your dad. That is what he looks like.”

“What are you fucking saying? That he’s got a cock and balls on his head?”

“I do not know what you mean. It is his head’s shape.”

“YOU’VE MENTIONED IT IN THE PICTURE! OBVIOUSLY!”

“Oops. I did and all.”

“Yeah, well he’s fucking pissed off. He thinks your’re insane. You are not going near me with your balls and cock, head based or otherwise, Neil. FUCK YOU.”

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About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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