INT: Apartment.

Frasier: JESUS. It’s great being here alone. No dad, no Daphne. No Niles, No Eddie. Time to get the Frasier twig out and burn off some excess milk.

*Slides a hand into his trousers and pulls out his deadened, lumpen penis. Jerking like a drunk, he begins to onanise.The door suddenly opens.*

Martin: Hey Fra….ERGH!

Frasier: FUCK OFF YOU OLD CUNT. *Stuffs himself back in* What the hell do you want GREYSKULL? I was about to shit my sod cannon off and you walk in with that pile of canine cock. *Points at Eddie.* Both of you fuck off.

Martin: Roz and Daphne and Niles are coming over. You’d better clean that up before they get here.

Frasier: I’ll clean it up. I’ll clean it up with my own shit. Happy Easter by the way, I got you nothing but a jar of frogspawn. (Hurls jar at the floor, which smashes, dispensing frogspawn.) Lick that off the floor, Eddie. Lick up that frog shit.

*Eddie complies. Martin begins to sob. His son is now completely insane. Frasier lies on the floor licking it, and whining softly.*


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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