Oh dear.

“Neil?”

“Yes, my effervescent Aphrodite.”

“Yeah, nice. What are you doing? ”

“I am writing you a poem. I compare you in it to an infinite, sensual, gliding tapestry of hope, love, and benevolence.”

“That sounds lovely. And while I am moved by your words about me, I just have one or two qualms. Erm..could you stop trying to sellotape that egg to the cat? He doesn’t like it.”

“Sorry.”

“Like I said. While I appreciate your romantic side, I can’t help thinking your drawings are starting to cause a rift in the relationship. As you know, my parents are none too pleased with the pictures you’ve sent them.”

“Ooops.”

“YES. OOPS. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU SENT TO MY MUM?”

Image

“What’s wrong with it?”

“What’s wrong? WHAT’S FUCKING WRON…..LOOK AT IT!”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot to draw tits on her.”

“You fucking prick. What the hell does this one even mean?

“Wanted to apologise. Thought it would be best to make myself a gigantic monster who eats mums. Your mum, to be precise.”

“Neil…just…you are a cunt. There’s no way you’re coming near me with your “Monster” cock. And believe me, it fails to live up to the dimensions suggested in this fucking picture.”

Advertisements

About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s