Monthly Archives: April 2012

TIME TEAM

Tony Robinson’s wife stood in the living room, staring through the slightly cloudy glass at her mad husband, who was scratching like a cat at the damp earth, shouting intermittently into the air and swinging a fist at a heavy … Continue reading

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Annoying my non-existent girlfriend.

“Neil? What are you up to?” “Evening honey. I am eating Super Noodles from a measuring jug and watching Hey Arnold.” “You’re a thirty five year old man.” “Exactly.” “Sigh. Look, Neil, do you remember what I said about sending … Continue reading

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Men Behaving Badly.

INT: Gary’s flat. Gary. Hello Tony. Sit down. Tony: Alright mate? What’s going on? Gary: It is not good, Tony. I am impotent. I will never have children. Tony: Oh. Gary: Dorothy has left me. She now thinks of me … Continue reading

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Ted No Head.

I thought up a terrible sitcom idea. It’s about a woman who has found the perfect man. In every single way, he is perfect. There is only one problem. He doesn’t have a head. Jean is a thirty two year … Continue reading

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Pissing off my non-existent girlfriend.

“Hello Neil. What are you doing” “I am drawing a space suit on this picture of a pigeon.” “WHY?” “I don’t know. You alright?” “Yeah…yeah. No. Thing is, Neil. While I admire your ability to touch through words and pour … Continue reading

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My brain does not like me.

BRAIN. “Psst. Neil. Oi. PHYLLIS.” “What? This better be important. I’m writing tweets about a man breaking down in public.” “It’s your brain. I’m hungry. Can we have some food?” “Sigh. Okay, what do you want to eat?” “Super Noodles.” … Continue reading

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FRASIER

INT: Apartment. Frasier: JESUS. It’s great being here alone. No dad, no Daphne. No Niles, No Eddie. Time to get the Frasier twig out and burn off some excess milk. *Slides a hand into his trousers and pulls out his … Continue reading

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