Non-Existent Girlfriend.


“Yes, princess?”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Just got back from seeing dad. He’s fucking raging. Says you sent him a picture of a cock.”

“What? NO. All I did was this..look.”


“I wanted to apologise to him for the Parkinson thing. So I drew a picture highlighting his manly charm. Look. Broad shoulders. Hat. Classic man.”

“That’s a cock. You’ve drawn my dad as a cock.”

“Of course I haven’t. Look, broad shoulders.”

“They’re fucking testicles. That’s a helmet. You’re a cock.”


“If you think I’m going anywhere near your fucking “Picture of dad” tonight you can fuck off.”


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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