Annoying my non existent girlfriend again.


“…yeah? Hello, darling.”

“Hello. What are you watching?”

“I’m watching the Un-birth of Lenny Henry. It’s a program where a fully adult Lenny Henry is forced back into the womb, head first, it’s fucking brilliant.”


“Is something wrong?”

“Well, Neil, yes. My dad got this in the post today. He’s not happy about it.”



(Shows me the card.)


“Oh, yeah.”

“What the FUCK were you thinking? And what the hell does it even mean? He hasn’t got tits. He’s a man!”

“Just thought it would brighten his day…”

“Well, it didn’t. He’s fucking angry.”

“Sorry. Do you want a jacket potato? I’ve got no beans, we’ll have to have crushed biscuits in them.”

“Fucking hell, Neil.”



About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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