Hey, hey, it’s Disturbing Dad…and people say he monkeys around, but he’s too busy injecting drugs and crying, to get anybody down.
Disturbing Dad: Series 2 Episode 1
(Disturbing Dad is driving along the motorway, on the way to pick up his son for their latest outing.)
Dad: Come on bitch, PHONE….do you think I have this fucking phone for a laugh? Actually don’t…like I want to hear your witches voice cackling down a radioactive block at me. Fuck!
*Theme tune from The Sweeney plays*
Dad: Hmm…I really must throw this fucking cd away.
Dad: And that bloody bell i’ve got hanging up in the boot.
Dad: Ah, there’s the cow now. I am definately in the country…yooo hooo! Cow!….WOO! Oh, and my phone’s ringing. Hello?
Mum’s voice: I got your message….for the last time….I don’t want you to come here…….
Dad: What? Do you not want me to see my son? I’ve got fucking rights! He’s mine too, dammit! I’ll not have a fucking argument! I’ve got a document that tells me i’m within rights to see him, if I continue to observe the court’s recommendation of not burning his hair!
Mum: No, I mean, you’ve already got him…you picked him up half an hour ago
Junior: Hey, dad.
Junior: Dad, please stop screaming. You’re scaring me and there are cars spinning to avoid us.
Dad: Sorry….SORRY JUNIOR….HHAAHHAH! Must have forgotten you were here…….want a chocolate bar?
Junior: That’s a bicycle repair kit, dad. It’s all tarry.
Dad: Just like liquorice, isn’t it?
Junior: Not really…
Dad: Heheheh of course it is! Guess where we’re off to, son!
Junior: It’s not the David Cronenberg divorcee’s hate club, is it?
Dad: NO! Something even better! We’re going to a fucking museum!
Junior: Well…..sounds reasonably less traumatic than usual. Daddy, stop twitching.
Dad: BREEEEEACK! BREEEE! BREEEEGAR!