Disturbing Dad.

Hey, hey, it’s Disturbing Dad…and people say he monkeys around, but he’s too busy injecting drugs and crying, to get anybody down.

Disturbing Dad: Series 2 Episode 1


(Disturbing Dad is driving along the motorway, on the way to pick up his son for their latest outing.)

Dad: Come on bitch, PHONE….do you think I have this fucking phone for a laugh? Actually don’t…like I want to hear your witches voice cackling down a radioactive block at me. Fuck!

*Theme tune from The Sweeney plays*

Dad: Hmm…I really must throw this fucking cd away.


Dad: And that bloody bell i’ve got hanging up in the boot.


Dad: Ah, there’s the cow now. I am definately in the country…yooo hooo! Cow!….WOO! Oh, and my phone’s ringing. Hello?

Mum’s voice: I got your message….for the last time….I don’t want you to come here…….

Dad: What? Do you not want me to see my son? I’ve got fucking rights! He’s mine too, dammit! I’ll not have a fucking argument! I’ve got a document that tells me i’m within rights to see him, if I continue to observe the court’s recommendation of not burning his hair!

Mum: No, I mean, you’ve already got him…you picked him up half an hour ago

Junior: Hey, dad.


Junior: Dad, please stop screaming. You’re scaring me and there are cars spinning to avoid us.

Dad: Sorry….SORRY JUNIOR….HHAAHHAH! Must have forgotten you were here…….want a chocolate bar?

Junior: That’s a bicycle repair kit, dad. It’s all tarry.

Dad: Just like liquorice, isn’t it?

Junior: Not really…

Dad: Heheheh of course it is! Guess where we’re off to, son!

Junior: It’s not the David Cronenberg divorcee’s hate club, is it?

Dad: NO! Something even better! We’re going to a fucking museum!

Junior: Well…..sounds reasonably less traumatic than usual. Daddy, stop twitching.



About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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