Fuck you, AOL. Here are their Dating Dos:

Dos:

1. Be on time. Don’t worry about appearing too eager if you’re the first one there. Being fashionably late only applies to parties. Concentrate on being polite, considerate and respectful during this first date.

2. Wear what you said you’d wear. Don’t fib so you can have the advantage of seeing your date without being seen; it’s cowardly and rude. If you’re a clotheshorse, don’t choose a “better” outfit at the last minute. All the outfits in the world won’t change who you are.

3. Ask questions. I’m not talking about an interrogation, but everyone is flattered when asked about their interests. Ask leading questions and listen attentively; there may be a test later…

4. Answer questions. Let your personality shine through with your responses, and remember that optimism is more attractive than pessimism. Stay positive.

———————-

Here are mine.

1. Turn up twenty four hours before the date even starts. Bring a sleeping bag, and an old tin of soup. When they arrive, make it clear you’ve been waiting an entire day and you stink like a dog’s arse-hole.

2. Wear the entire opposite of what you said you would. If you were going to wear a suit, wear a massive jumper with a cat’s face on it, that you knitted yourself, even if you can’t knit.

3. Ask questions you’ve written on your arm, that they can see you’ve written. Read it all out very slowly. “WHAT. DO. YOU. DO. FOR. A. LIVING. THEN?”

4. Answer all questions with a short, truncated scream and a punch in the air.

Fuck you, AOL.

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About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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