Monthly Archives: November 2011

Writing a romance.

Think I might write a classic romance. Here’s a sample line. “I walked down love lane and turned into happiness avenue, but it was not to be. Her hair was a hive, beautiful, deadly, surrounded by bees, they stang my … Continue reading

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Opening Titles to Only Fools.

Slipping into poverty Desperate to sell anything we can We got no money It’s not fucking funny And Uncle Albert’s dead Where it all comes from Is a mystery That flat stinks of shit Threw Trig in the sea. But … Continue reading

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ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES.

INT: Peckham. Flat. Del: Oi! Rodney! RODDERS YOU PLONKER! I’ve got a little job for you RODDERS. Rodney: Cosmic. Cos bloody MIC. What is it? Del: I want you to get down the Nag’s ‘ead and see if you can … Continue reading

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Fuck you, AOL. Here are their Dating Dos: Dos: 1. Be on time. Don’t worry about appearing too eager if you’re the first one there. Being fashionably late only applies to parties. Concentrate on being polite, considerate and respectful during … Continue reading

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Sweet and Sour.

Every Friday Sammy would head down to the local corner shop to buy sweets. His mother gave him three coins….a fifty pence, a twenty pence, and a ten pence piece. She would then ask him to count the coins before … Continue reading

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The Restaurant Critic

This is a mouth foamer, a cunting drooling farm. A trip down a lane of fucking velvet taste bud cars spitting out fumes of taste, polluting your lungs with the sheer pong of food. Yes, we went this week to … Continue reading

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Santa.

Letters to Santa. “Dear Santa. My name is Billy. I have been a good boy this year, and I would like a GameBox 2012, with a lot of games, because mum says it keeps me quiet when her old man … Continue reading

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