Titanic, How I remember it, Part DEUS.

INT: Old lady’s house and stuff.

Young woman: Want some more tea, nana?

Rose: Nope. I’ve drank so much tea in my life i’m starting to resemble a burst tea bag. Fuck off. Get me a pint of wine. Might as well have some fun. (Stitches some shit with a sewing machine. She’s writing “CUNT” on a t shirt.)

Rose: Brilliant. EH?

(Tv’s on. It’s an old episode of The Sweeney.)

Rose: What the hell is this? Turn that over.

(Grand-daughter turns over. It’s Hudson shouting “Game over man! GAME OVER!)

Rose: What’s going on?

Hudson: Ha ha, only joking. I’m not really in ALIENS. Today we are doing some shit on that boat what sunk. Called Titania, or something. Without some submarine things, we would all be dead from the water. We went down a million miles into the middle of sea space to get some cunting trinkets. Stops people stealing them, we steal them instead. I’ve got trained experts in old shit to catalogue these relics and keep them intact. Except for the broken shit. I didn’t do that. None of us did. Our experts are that bloke off the Antique’s Roadshow, Sting, and David Dickinson.

Rose: What the fuck? Turn that up dear.

Hudson: We found this old shit too…it’s a poor quality which appears to be Kate Winslet. Can’t be her through, she’s only twenty one, or was when this was filmed. Er…I mean no….

(Think i’ve blown all reality in this episode. See you in part three.)


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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