I’ve no interest in the Royal Wedding. I find it neither irritating, nor interesting. I’ve literally got no opinion. It’s a wedding, that’s it. However, it set my mind a thinking, what would a wedding be like if done by a normal bloke who didn’t know anything about weddings and Jesus and that? Might go something..like this…
“Alright? Welcome, all of you lot to this wedding. I am the vicar, i’ve got the suit and everything. I’m well good at weddings. We are here, today, to witness some bloke and a broad get married to each other, so that they can do stuff like buy a house and raise a cat, and that. Once this is out of the way, the boring bit, you can all go to a party and get drunk if that’s your bag. I’m going to. Probably, dunno yet.
Anyway, without further ADO son, here is the wedding. Ben, you are getting married to this lady, who is Sarah, yeah? Yeah, nice one. Please all turn to page 4…er..no, that’s later, i think. Anyone got the rings? Shit…erm…right….right. Ben, do you take the woman what is here to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do. No…no you say that don’t you? Yeah. Do you or what? ”
“Good. You do it and all.”
“Nice one. You’re married and that. Well done. Pint?”