Zoomeister’s five birthday rules.

Birthday Time! If you’ve got a birthday to plan, do my list and you’ll be blissed! On birthdays.

1. Grey balloon.
2. Sledgehammer cd. Play on loop. In fact, all buy a cd of it and give it as a present, as well as the video of it on VHS. Watch video, repeat, ad nauseum. Watch Peter Gabriel’s face with all plasticine stuff going mad and wonder what person whose birthday it is is thinking. Watch their reaction and tape it for a chuckle later.
3. Greyscale pictures. Remember, picture must be absurdly large and blown up out of all proportion. Say you’ve got a picture of someone who is frowning slightly, or turning to one side, or holding a hand to their head in a moment of depression. Tack pictures up and feel good about it. You’re planning a fucking birthday!
4. All alcohol is banana liqueur.
5. All cards given must be like the ones I do. Me, because i’m awesome at them. Reference the cards I did a week or two ago. An example greeting for you is this:

“Happy birthday. Cheer up. Just remember, death is not the end. It’s the judgement.”


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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