Here are some Dating Don’ts to keep you being sick all day, folks.
1. Call her Miss Bum-hole all through the date. Say you’ve been picturing her anus all day, and what it’s like to put an endoscope up it.
2. Tell her you’ve always wanted to paint a black hole on your penis during sex.
3. Ask her if she’s up for a trip to the dog’s home, because you’re horny as a beagle.
5. Revealing a funnel you’re concealing, stand on your chair, and hold the funnel in your mouth, pointing upwards. Pour in a litre of hot curry paste (Liquidized so that it’ll go through), and swallow the lot, choking and going red eyed with the hot, spicy overload. Lean at her face for a kiss, your eyes watering, and your hand clutching your bell end through your own trousers.
6. Give her a picture you drew of your mum being sick.
7. Tell her Frasier is god, and he wants her to fuck you. Write this on your own forehead and headbutt the table.
8. Astonish her by producing two small finger puppets you made of her parents, and make them have an argument at the table, pretending she is the root cause.
9. Tell her your foreskin is filthy, and you want her to shit all over it.
10. Hold a balloon in your mouth you’ve blown up, and are keeping there, all through the date. If she complains about it and the fact you can’t and won’t talk to her, punch the balloon and shake