Just a little something I wrote way back when. It’s Tom Cruise celebrating the New Year.
“I’m Tom FUCKIN’ CRUISE, the Cruise with da shoes, and the scat magician. I make so many shit films, i’m like a shit-man, man! I’m so covered in celluloid shit, it’d take a goddamned sword to stab it all off. Dried, auburn crusted fucking shit. All over, guys. All over my freakin’ guts and face.
Anyway, last night I was celebrating goddamned NEW year’s eve with my fucking friend Gary Busey. Jesus assholin’ Christ, that guys crazy, man! He’s so fucking crazy he broke into a hospital and trampled over all the goddamned blood bags, man! And kicked a whole buncha machines apart. Real expensive shit too. He’s fuckin’ out of his boots. Crazy as a skip full of businessmen. The guys a fuckin’ Jesus Package. I tried to keep up with him by punching dogs and fisting passers by, but they weren’t having any of it, man! They dropped the Cruise faster than a deck of cards. Goddamned civilians.
After lunch we kicked a ball of mirth around the shittin’ fast food joint, SAS styling in and stabbing at feet and ankles all da way to tha frickin’ counter. So many lacerated fucking feet it looked like a fuckin’ butcher’s shed. YEAH FUCK YOU GUYS! Cruise likes knifin’ and lifin’. That’s why i’m going to jail to ram soap up my asshole and hold a razor in my mouth. FUCK YOU GUYS! PEACE OUT!”