Fuck off Cupid.

Some more love shit.This one’s called “The Date”. It’s a small conversation.

Date 1:

“So what do you do?”

“I roll mushrooms, mate. In flour. Then I send them to your mum and dad. They love them. And they eat them. And then they send videos of them eating them to me, and I watch them, while slowly rubbing my foreskin up and down”

“I’m leaving.”

“What the fuck for? We haven’t had coffee yet!”

Date 2:

“So what do you do?”

“I make derisory balloon sculptures of everybody you know and love and me and I make them all have sex. It’s an orgy. A fucking balloon me and your friends and family orgy. Want to see?”

“No. I have to go”

“But we haven’t fucking had coffee yet!”

Date 3:

“So, er…it’s nice to meet you”

“You too. Nice place.”

“yes….yes it is..”

“It’s even better with you in it.”

“Oh..thank you!”

“No problem. I mean, it’s lucky you don’t have a massive ear for a head”


“Just is lucky. I mean, you could hear a lot but I can’t stick my cock in an ear”

“I’m leaving”

“but we haven’t had fucking coffee yet!”

Date 4:

“So, what do you do?”

“I imagine you as the massive face out of Tron, but with a woman’s face. An electronic face. Fancy some virtual sex?”

“I’m outta here”

“but we haven’t fucking had coffee yet!”


About neilstilwell

Abseiling into trouble, a sewer rat staring at the stars. Disgusting. You can assist my search for the one ring by buying a Kindle version of this diary from here. http://www.amazon.co.uk/frozen-fridge-Zoomeister-Diaries-ebook/dp/B00C426DD0/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366481719&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=a+frozen+turd+in+a+hot+frudge It has some other stuff in it, and a dreadful cover.
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