Monthly Archives: March 2011

Zoomeister’s five birthday rules.

Birthday Time! If you’ve got a birthday to plan, do my list and you’ll be blissed! On birthdays. 1. Grey balloon. 2. Sledgehammer cd. Play on loop. In fact, all buy a cd of it and give it as a … Continue reading

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INT: Peckham. Delboy: Lovely jubbly, my son. Oi, GRANDAD. GRANDAD! OI! YOU DOZY OLD GIT! Grandad:……………………….. Delboy: FUCKING WAKE UP YOU OLD CUNT! (Rodders walks in) Delboy: ‘ere, Rodders you dipstick, talk some sense into grandad, will yer? I need … Continue reading

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Good Letter, Bad Letter.

Love letters to a woman seen from two perspectives of the same maniac. Good Letter: “Darkness turns tail at first sight of you, the doubts flee, my heart thumps with vigour, you awaken the latent sunrise in a lost alley.” … Continue reading

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Dating Don’ts.

1. Don’t tell her you got a fucking false beard for each of you to wear during sex. 2. Don’t tell her she’d look great dressed up as the inside out dog out of The Fly II. 3. Don’t tell … Continue reading

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Dating Don’ts.

1. Don’t loudly tell her about every single breast you’ve ever seen in your life. 2. Don’t take your trousers off, and stare at her through the leg hole. 3. Don’t roll a pebble towards her. 4. Don’t put a … Continue reading

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Menu.

Menus annoy me. They’re always geared to make the food sound like a symphony or something. for instance, the usage of words such as “succulent”, “creamy”, “tender”, or “Chunky”, “Crispy”, and the likes. Stupid words to make food sound delicious. … Continue reading

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I don’t like going on training courses. They are to me, about as enjoyable as licking stamps in a swamp. Going for a weekend on mushrooms with Elton John. Listening to the Black Eyed Peas while being fed whole pineapples. … Continue reading

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